where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
