i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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