ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
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I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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