Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
