Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
