I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
