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Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
