I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
