I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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