It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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