good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
