I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
