just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
