And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
