Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
