He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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