I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
