Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
