he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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