We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
