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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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