i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
