So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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