She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My feet surprised me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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