I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
