You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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