please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
