I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am naked and annoyed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
