I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
