the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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