we have pet lesbian snakes
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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