Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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