i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
