I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
