if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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