i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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