Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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