she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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