So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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