When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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