i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
