i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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