You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
ok first of all what the fuck
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
