woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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