She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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