Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
