I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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