god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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