just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
