Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
