Got a toothbrush?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
