If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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