I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
