no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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