someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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