I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
