I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
