glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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