we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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