that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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