I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
