They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
