then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
