Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wish there were birth control emojis
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
