I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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