This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??