I will die if light touches me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges