Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
turn off your phone and go to bed
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.