The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk is not a location!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
