i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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