The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
