ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
