He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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