When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
whose ass print is on the piano?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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