is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize