Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
