I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
