That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
