I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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