I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
