you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
