he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
