My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
