Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just made my gag reflex go away.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
