this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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