You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
