I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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