Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
